Since you’ve reappeared,
I’ve been bumping into walls.
I’ve been trying to regain direction
And trying to remain in control.
I’ve been trying not to scream
And I’ve been trying not to cower.
I’ve figured you out
And you pulled me short of breath.
I followed you down here
And can’t reach for your hand.
I can’t reach for you.
Can’t speak to you.
Can’t evade you.
You were a blessing made into a curse -
One I want to feel.
One that gives me chills.
I can’t keep my mind shut.
Can’t keep my mouth open.
Can’t shun the dreams
Can’t call for the nightmares.
I’m backed into a corner
Knowing I’ve released something I shouldn’t have
Wished for a genie who trapped me in his lamp
Wanted a friend formerly forbidden
But the only fruit I know that isn’t tainted
From so many days - so many months - years without a whisper,
But yours always beckons;
Always beams in colour-coded visions.
But I can’t have you.
Don’t need you.
Can’t keep you.
Won’t see you.
Won’t hear you.
Won’t feel you crashing down upon me anymore
Because I’m the one breaking down these walls now,
Breaking down this heart-felt home
For something of a storm
That will burn my veins to black.
Bite my bleeding heart.
Don’t do this to me